Relationship Gbas Gbos (Chaos) I Have Gone Through & Learnings
Before I start this journey because trust me, it is one hell of a journey! Keep in mind that this is my story, my life and my journey. This is not a guide to live your life but a template to learn from and ensure you don’t make the same mistakes that Idid.
That being said,
Let the Story begin…
Remember that bookwarm in class who never dated, partied or had anything seemingly fun going on for them? The ones that were so focused on coming out with a first class that they had no time for distractions least of all a boy?….Well, that was me. A bit shocking I know but that was the expectation placed upon me and frankly, was too focused on my University journey to even think of it.
The story began after I left school, I was finally growing up and trying to figure out this life thing. For someone who grew up in a basic average family with little or so knowledge of how to navigate life. I had to learn on the go and quite a number of things on the way too. My first and only relationship happened with a guy who is now a friend or should I say acquaintance to me. Don`t worry the gist you are waiting for is in the situationhips I got entangled in so calm down and continue reading. Lol!
So back to my story, I and Mr. X ( lets call him Mr. X for the sake of this story ) started our whirlwind romance and officially started dating. We must have lost our senses along the way cause that was the only explanation as to why we were investing so much knowing we were both AS ( yes! we were not genetically compatible) but like they say love is blind or is it?.
Through the roller-coasters and amazing time we had , one thing was clear we weren't right for each other and thank God we realised it sooner rather than later. This bring me to the first lesson love taught me and it is knowing yourself, your values and nonnegotiables in a relationship. See ehn, I cant in good conscience feign ignorance, I knew it wasn’t right but me and my coconut head kept pushing through till it felt like God himself gave me a hard knock to reset my brain.
Ouch! yes receive knock if you need it in Jesus name!
And like that, me and Mr. X parted ways.
After a first unexpected experience, I wasn't exactly keen on jumping into a new relationship so I continued living and trying to figure out my place in the world. I was in the process of doing just that when I had my first situationship, the beginning of others that came.
I met a fine bobo, nice guy and if you plus 2 plus two would generally be considered an okay person, but beneath all that glitz and glamour was a different person he would soon introduce to me. Now, in my defense, I love to see the best in people and while that's not exactly a bad thing, it also means people can sometimes take advantage of me. Also, unknown to me my big-headed friend already knew the kind of person he was and didn’t think to share with me. Yes, you know yourself I`m calling you out. Lol, like I said, he wasn`t a bad person ooo, he wasn`t just right for me. I was trying to help him figure out his life, even lent him some money ganself but well breakfast came knocking!. It didn’t take long before we shared the pot of breakfast to each other and went our separate ways. We were in different places in our lives and again wanted different things from life..
While I was nursing my wounds, okay that's a lie I wasn`t nursing any wound. I simply moved past it and focused on my career but then again young girl like me, a full spec and more, before I blinked my eye I met another person but this time around, it was a totally different experience.
He was a guy, fine, (they are always fine sha), a fresh guy working in a big company, doing big things… eyyy God but it still didn`t work out! We were supportive of each other, both interested in each other’s career growth and everything. Until one faithful day, we had a discussion and after our talk, I concluded that he wasn`t ready to commit. I wasn`t ready to be doing blurry things, yunno not in a relationship but having a relationship problems and conversations. Anyhow, we settled as friends, very cool friends by the way and still root for each other but from afar.
Lol, were you expecting more? Me that my eye just opened after university, what did you expect me to fill the pages with? Lol, don`t worry sha, maybe in the future, for now, help me manage these.
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While experiencing all these, I took out some learnings that have guided me so far and maybe allowed me to build a friendship with my situationship partners (sound weird though). but here you go :
a) If you both are already crossing lines, don’t be afraid to ask the question “what are we doing?” This is most likely why all my sitautaionship ended as early as possible.
b) Know your non-negotiables and be ready to see them as a non-negotiable. O necessary!
c) Your values will be tested, be ready to stick with them.
d) Understand that it’s fine it doesn't work out. Remember they are but a chapter in your story, not the whole book.
I am still cool with all the people I’ve met on this short but amazing relationship/situationship journey, well except the guy that took my money. I have forgiven him in my heart but being friends with him isn`t needed.
Lol! Through all this, I still love love because why not? But for now, I`m focusing on my father`s love and celebrating other love stories around me.
Am I interested in going into a relationship anytime soon? hmmm, there’s no definite answer for that. Previously, I was just a see-as-it-goes person, but right now I`m not.
Yeah, I just want to live and share…